With 2021 coming to a close it's hard for me to believe that I truly haven't been to Church since March 2020. This is hard for me to swallow and realize this has been the case.
When March 2020 hit my home church first decide to cancel Mass. Then it decided to only allow those that registered and submit to contact tracing. The church decided to share the attendance list with the State. Every bone in my being screamed "NO!" I just couldn't do it.
Luckily for us, we live on the state border and our neighboring state and churches were not that strict. Yes, wear a mask, but we did not have to register or submit to contact tracing. I went a couple of times, but I still struggled with the mask, only one family to a pew, every other pew, and other social distancing rules.
So I quit going and here we are 18 months later. It's been hard on my marriage, my husband called me an unbeliever, and feels like he's failing as head of the household. It's not just me not going, but our young adult children have fallen away.
I wish I can say their fallen away was covid related too, but in truth, they had fallen away way before that. We didn't see it, because there were legitimate reasons for missing church, mostly their work schedules, only having one car, etc. For example, they worked Sunday morning, when hubby and I would go, but hubby and I would be out Saturday night -- preventing them from being able to go Sunday evening. Times were they were not working, they would go with us, were respectful, etc. Looking back I saw it, -- lack of prayer before meals, like of truly participating in Mass, etc -- but I just didn't really want to acknowledge it.
So here we are approaching the end of 2021 and things are not better, in terms of how covid is being handled. In fact, I feel in many ways it's worst now than it was in March 2020 -- when this call started. I'm still struggling and have come to realize I just may have to "suck it up buttercup".
I know my husband is being even more upset with me seeing I took on a job 3 hours a day, Mon-Fri, where I have to wear a mask, but yet still have not stepped foot into Church. Taking on the job wasn't fully by my choice; it was my husband's needs from me. He's feeling overwhelmed and burnt out with being the sole breadwinner in the family.
I have been doing virtual assistant work. I will continue to do that and hope to continue to go grow my client list. In the meantime working the 3 hours a day is helping my husband feel better. While what I do does not match his income, he doesn't feel the pressure as he's the only one supporting his family; between the virtual assistant work, selling coffee and tea, and being employed outside the home he feels better!
Now to just get to Church --
photo credit: dbgg1979
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